There have been countless occasions where I’ve had to resist the urge to say to a customer, “seriously, I’m going to be a lawyer in a few months, and you are stupid.” Maybe I look like I’m 12, but a lot of them talk down to all employees in the store. It takes all my energy to keep from saying, “wow, I’ve actually left Iowa City before (unlike YOU most likely), yet you think you can speak to me like I’m stupid? Just…wow.” Clearly that is not a productive way to handle the situation. But the interesting twist comes if or when they actually care to ask you what that class ring on your right hand is from…then they find out you’re in law school…and then all of a sudden you are worthy of their time. I find this rather disgusting.

Moral of the story: be nice to those in the service sector. If they are mean or rude to you, then of course drop some attitude! But walk that line carefully; you never know if she’s a law student…or future President of the United States (and rest assured, she will remember you). But regardless; NOBODY deserves to be spoken to like they are of no consequence just because of their job. Where would we be without the people who develop our photos; answer our phones; stock the shelves of Walgreens or deliver the products to be sold? Every position commands respect. Walgreens has helped me to kick my lawyer ego, and I hope you will all take a lesson and keep this in mind.

This blog for sale by owner.

The annual domain registration on First Floor is about to expire!  Since I am a third-year law student, and I plan on graduating (crossed fingers), if this blog is to survive as the venerable Iowa College of Law institution that it is, someone needs to take the reins. 

There are no real qualifications for the job of First Floor Iowa slumlord.  Literacy, tact, and cultural exposure are plusses but not required.  Upkeep on this place isn’t that bad either.  All you need to do is periodically kick out the transients who hang around and pay roughly $30 per year for the domain-name registration.  In any event, e-mail me at steven-wieland@uiowa.edu if you are interested in becoming the new honcho.

I did some digging and found out how to compute an MPRE score percentile in comparison to test-takers nationwide.  According to the Legal Profession Blog, the mean score on the MPRE is actually a bit lower than what ACT, the company that produces the MPRE for the National Council of Bar Examiners, tells us it is.  In reality, the mean is approximately 98.33.  Their other published data shows that the standard deviation for test-takers is 19.72.  Thus, if you know what your MPRE score is, you can compute your percentile position using this information.  I spelled it out for those of us who don’t remember taking college statistics:

1. Compute Your Z-Score.  Use this formula to compute your z-score, where “X” is your individual MPRE score:

   Z = (X - 98.33) / 19.72

 

2. Use Your Z-Score to Compute Your Percentile.  Instead of dealing with more algebra to determine how your z-score translates into your position on the bell curve, you can go to the Measuring Usability website and use the Z-Score to Percentile Calculator.  Select the ”One-Sided” button and input your z-score into the text box.  Don’t forget to use a negative sign if your z-score was negative.  The calculator will produce two numbers for you, with the “Percent of Area” number being your percentile score.

That’s all there is to it!  After playing with this for a while, you will notice that many states require very little from the people taking the MPRE.  Even states that are on the high end of the country and require bar applicants to get an 85 or better on the MPRE are really only asking you to land somewhere in the 24th percentile or better.  In other words, you only need to do better than about 1 out of 4 people who took the test.  This means that for those of you who got around a 130, you are in the top 5 or 10 percent of the country.  Sorta makes you wonder why you studied so hard, huh?  Anyway, check out this quick Wikipedia entry on standardized scoring for more information on how this works.

Now why can’t ACT simply give us a chart so we don’t have to go through this hassle?  Nobody seems to know for sure, but it may have something to do with licensing issues.

The federal lawsuit alleges that Wagner, a Republican, was denied a full-time writing position in 2006 because of her conservative background and views on abortion and euthanasia.

…

The Des Moines Register reviewed the voting registrations of U of I College of Law faculty this morning and found that Democrats outnumber Republicans nearly 20-to-1. Among the 50 regular faculty are 38 registered Democrats; eight independents; two Republicans and two who are not registered, according to 2007 state voting records. The breakdown did not include adjunct or visiting professors.

…

The lawsuit alleges that Jon Carlson, a law professor who had just become an associate dean, advised Wagner to conceal her ties to the conservative Ave Marie School of Law.

…

Carlson later told Wagner that U of I law professor Randy Bezanson had spoken out against her appointment, the lawsuit alleges.

…

Bezanson, who served as a law clerk for U.S. Supreme Court Justice Harry Blackmun — author of the Roe v. Wade decision that legalized abortion — said Wagner’s political views had nothing to do with the decision.

Now, I don’t think anyone would deny that the law school leans to the left, but I certainly have not found it to be hostile to conservatives.  Regardless, I think this has rattled the administration a little bit.  A professor asked me recently in somewhat hushed tones if it was true that the Federalist Society couldn’t find a faculty sponsor.  It’s not true, and in fact this professor was not the first to offer in recent years.

Anyway, your thoughts?

I discovered over winter break that I.love.sweater dresses. I don’t know why I held off for so long–but let me tell you: the sweater dress is the new sweatpants. INCREDIBLE. It’s the perfect I-am-so-hungover/tired/lazy-and-don’t-have-time-to-put-myself-together outfit. Last Friday, I woke up not feeling so hot after a long and somewhat sucessful Law Night the night before–and I realized, when my alarm went off at 8:00 a.m., that throwing on a sweater dress and leggings with pearl earrings took a lot less energy than deciding which jeans/t-shirt/hoodie/sneakers-or-boots combination to sport at the BLB. I looked WAY more put together and on top of it than I ever could in sweatpants or a hoodie. Plus, the whole outfit was way less constricting than jeans are–almost like wearing a robe or a mumu. If I could wear a sweater dress every day and know that my peers wouldn’t judge me, I would. For now, I’ll stick to one per week.

(And by the way, they’re on sale right now at Banana Republic–and right now Banana/Gap.com have 30%-off sales PLUS free shipping.)

DSW was one of the first to make an appearance with a few new takes on the Gladiator shoe. I’ve never been a big fan, but the simple wedge could be fun. Short people beware: shoes that strap at the ankle cut the leg line and make you appear even shorter. And if you are like me with shorter than average legs, we need all the help we can get, so avoid them!

Piperlime soon followed with more of the same Gladiator shoes. But imagine my excitement when I noticed a fabulous heel reminiscent of Mexican huaraches. My favorite childhood shoe is in with a chic twist and definitely better than Gladiators. I have also decided that this is the season I return to sneakers. It has been years since I’ve worn sneakers other than for working out, but the “fashion athletic” shoes as DSW has so dubbed them are kind of fun. However my sneaker indulgence for the season came from Gwen’s line L.A.M.B. Most of the styles are too young and trendy for my tastes, but she finds a way to make the boat shoe edgy. Loves.

For those of you getting ready for law prom, I have not found any dresses that have caught my eye. But remember a tip from my “cheap” post for this season and take an old dress to the tailor. Save money and modernize at the same time. My college graduation dress will be getting a makeover shortly. A new cut will make it feel like an entirely new dress. An old high school homecoming dress will also become a skirt soon.

Finally, I allowed myself a blue fashion scarf from the flea market. Who doesn’t love/need a scarf…every second…?

I need ideas for more fashion guilty pleasures this season. Let’s stick together kids, we can weather this horrible winter…hopefully the worst is behind us and espadrilles and gladiator shoes (ick) are only weeks away…

Radley, Portrait of a Puppy

Meet Radley.  He’s our 10-week-old Beagle-Mix puppy we just adopted from Pet Central Station, aka Mix-N-Match, in downtown Iowa City.  Isn’t he freaking awesome?  With a little face like that, I now understand why there are so many middle-age women out there on the internet posting narratives about their dogs too.

As I mentioned in a comment to Emily’s post about puppy mills, Jaren (my fiancée) and I had gone to a puppy convention down in Kalona a couple weekends ago and we were dismayed at what we encountered.  It was a Christian-school gym full of puppymill dealers.  Some were more reputable than others, but many of the puppies were in horrifically small cages, crawling over their own waste, and trying to cope with life without affectionate human or dog contact.  Some of the dealers were area farmers who simply treated dog breeding as a source of income.  One guy slammed his hand down on the table as we walked by, startling two overflowing cages full of puppies into waking up.  None of them seemed interested in screening possible owners to ensure the best placement for their dogs—one breeder even asked us what it would take to sell us a puppy before they packed their things up, as if an addition to your family is like buying a used Mazda.

Radley learned that this face earns unlimited praise as well as unlimited access to turkey-cranberry flavored treats.

Radley, on the other hand, came neutered, de-wormed, vaccinated, socialized, as housebroken as a puppy can be, and capable of reading at a fourth-grade level.  He doesn’t chew on things, doesn’t climb on the furniture, and only poops in out-of-the way corners so as not to disturb us.  He’s a living example of all the advantages that adopting has over buying from an unreputable breeder:

• Cost – Radley cost $195 to adopt, plus Pet Central Station sold us all of the necessary canine accoutrements for under $500, a price competitive with Petco, which is not a puppymill pet store but also does not expend as much of its resources finding homes for orphan pets.  Compare our costs to a $500 german shepherd puppies for sale down in Kalona.  Even if you buy a genuine puppymill dog for $50, you still need to pay a vet to fix and clean your animal, putting you at or above a shelter adoption fee.
• Behavior – Radley grew up around other dogs.  Every night, volunteer foster human parents took him home, gave him attention, housebroke him, and taught him basic commands.  By the time we got him, he was just barely old enough to come home with a new family, but he was already close to housebroken.  What’s better is that he is utterly submissive to people and extremely patient with other dogs even when they gnaw on his face and genitals.
• Trainability – Because Radley has been socialized to people and to other animals, it is easier to get his attention and to train him.  Pets growing up at stores like Petland learn to relieve themselves right in their cages, but because he did not grow up at a pet store or in a puppy mill cage, he never learned to live near his own waste. 
• Health – Since we know that Radley didn’t come from an unscrupulous breeder, there is little danger that he has any genetic defects such as joint or liver problems.

One last thing that we learned from our experience with this little guy is that our preconceptions about what kind of dog we wanted were just that: preconceptions.  I’d always wanted a huge, burly german shepherd, and Jaren had always grown up with active and independent outdoor herding dogs.  But when we met Radley, we changed our minds about all of that.  It is tempting to want to buy a certain breed of dog and to seek out a breeder for that purpose, but unless you are a professional dog shower, keep your mind open.  Adopt a pet that will fit into your life. 

Okay, I have to go now—Radley needs me to stand outside and praise him when he pees.

Iowa is home to the third largest number of commercial breeders.  Not surprising, these breeding facilities hide behind cute kennel names and naive images of puppies running free in the miles and miles of endless Iowa farmland.  These images could not be farther from the truth.    

 Meanwhile, there are thousands of wonderful, smart, loving, (house-trained!) young dogs waiting at shelters hoping that someone will decide to give them a “forever home.”  Some of them will get their wish–but too many of them never will.  Each year, 3-4 million (yes, MILLION) cats and dogs are euthanized in shelters.  Not vicious  mail-man-chasing dogs, but loving, sweet, doe-eyed animals that have been thrown away because their owner found them “inconvenient.”  

Next weekend (Sat Nov 22), commercial breeders from around the state will gather for a “puppy sale” at the Pathway Christian School in Kalona, IA.  Purchasing pets from pet stores and puppy shows supports the business of selling dogs for money which, in turn, increases the number of animals in shelters.  Educate your friends and family about the dangers of purchasing pets from pet stores or “puppy shows.”  Check out : www.stoppuppymills.org for more information.

During the Great Iowa Flood of 2008, a number of university buildings suffered severe flooding.  Among the worst damaged was the Iowa Memorial Union.  The entire lower floor was lost as well as damage to other parts of the building. 

If the pay station wasn’t taking your coins this morning, appeal your parking ticket here. Go ahead and email parking-office@uiowa.edu and tell them they are ridiculous. They obviously don’t hear from us enough. Now move people. Give ‘em Hell.

But seriously; didn’t our school used to offer remedies? Do we have a prof to teach commercial transactions? No admin law, no family law. I’m really glad we have someone to teach Contemporary Russian Law in Historical Perspective and European Union Law. Those are on the bar right?

I hope they are offering good classes across the river.

A feral dog gnaws on human flesh in University Heights, recently declared an uninhabitable hellscape by me.

Today, November 2, 2008, I declare University Heights, Iowa, to be completely inhospitable to human life. 

This municipality must now be completely absorbed into Iowa City, the mother womb city from which it came.  No man, woman, or child shall further dwell in this wretched land, nor shall motorists be further allowed to pass through here on their way to the expressway.  No person shall ever utter the name of this sordid locality. 

This declaration is based on the following grounds:

Count I: Zoning Laws That Are Total Buzzkills

University Heights has zoned many of its residential areas as single-family homes, prohibiting any more than two unrelated people from living in the same household.  The intent is to keep unmarried couples and college kids out of the neighborhood.  The practical effect is that I, an adult in a permanent committed relationship with my fiancee, cannot legally share a house with her because I still live with a vagrant college friend.  So, now that I think about it, this rule may be for her own good.

Irretrievably ugly children at play in University Heights.

Count II: Ugly Children

It is true.  University Heights is populated by the ugliest, most repulsive children.  Although I have little hard evidence to work with, my backyard does border the neighborhood elementary school.  Judging by the girlish shrieking I hear every morning from the schoolyard, coupled with the fact that packs of schoolkids flee the school with all their energy every afternoon, I can only assume that some hideous monster children dwell up there. 

I am also fairly certain I spotted an ugly child running around in a bright-yellow Pooh-Bear costume on Friday night.  He was no doubt dressed that way by his parents to cover up his deformed features.

Count III: Ungrateful Children

Compounding their ugliness, University Heights is home to the most ungrateful children.  At least one home in the neighborhood has an eight-foot-tall DVD projection screen in its backyard, yet it sits unused, probably because the ungrateful child owners are too busy ungratefully eating sweetened cereals.

Count IV: Passive-Aggressive Zombie Neighbors

University Heights is governed by a labyrinth of arcane rules and laws.  Like restless zombies, the neighbors regularly grow tired of consuming organic produce and stagger out into the land of the living to file police reports on the rest of us for minor municipal infractions.  Woe be to anyone who has failed to clear the ice off of their sidewalks or who plans on holding an outdoor gatherings of more than three people after 8:00 p.m.

Worse, recently a friend visiting us from out of town left his Jeep parked overnight in the driveway such that the rear bike rack hung over the sidewalk.  Apparently only able to claw out of their graves late at night, and apparently only able to communicate through printed notes with questionable grammar, a passive-aggressive zombie neighbor left the following note on our friend’s car:

Parking in the sidewalk is dangerous and illegal, especially with the dark bike rack sticking out unseen.  If the police see your car they will ticket it for this.  Just trying to save you the cost and aggravation, as well as prevent people from being injured.

The note was in 14-point Times New Roman font, a classic choice among passive-aggressive neighbors.  Although we do not know exactly who left the note, he undoubtedly is responsible for the missing political yardsigns in the area.

Count V: Megalomaniacal Police

The Fourth Amendment and the laws of Karma do not apply in University Heights.  This allows the city to maintain the entire population of North Liberty as full-time police officers and pay them solely with the income generated by ticketing every third hapless victim who wanders into this city.  Among the UHPD’s favorite weapons: the $100 expired license plate tag ticket and the $200 seatbelt ticket.  No mercy is shown to the poor, elderly or to the invalid.

The senator seems to have no respect for the law.  He lied on six Senate Financial Disclosure Forms spanning as many years.  Among the $250,000 in goodies he got from oil executive, William Allen, are a $2,700 massage chair, a $29,000 bronze fish statue on his front porch, guns, and a boxing bag.  The defense also wrongfully disclosed investigative documents during the trial (2008 WL 4656368), and even attempted to argue that the government should not be able to tell the jury that the public has an interest in the senator’s finance disclosure (2008 WL 4656353).

Yet, despite this behavior, Ted Stevens has the temerity to stay in the race.  When asked if he will drop out, he said, “Put this down: That will never happen — ever, OK?”  Ironically, this senator who unabashedly opposes civil liberties for criminal defendants declared in a press release that he will “fight this unjust verdict with every ounce of energy,” and that he hopes Alaskans will stand with him as he pursues his rights.

Fortunately, this is a case where justice will likely prevail.  Stevens is nine points down in the polls versus Anchorage Mayor Mark Begich.  Stevens won his last election with 78% of the vote, so, more importantly, he shows us that Americans can still abandon party lines when their leaders turn out to be crooks no matter how heated our red-state-blue-state culture war gets.

The Black Angel in Iowa City's northside Oakland cemetery.

As many fundamentalist Christians eagerly point out, popular holidays such as Halloween, Christmas, and Easter combine American pop culture with the occult and paganism, and in fact, their modern incarnations are almost completely un-Christian.  It’s for this reason that some Christian sects oppose celebrating Halloween or even Christmas–at least in the modern American fashion.  Maybe, then, Halloween is one of the most interesting times of year because it’s when the mysterious becomes an overt feature of our lives without the religious overtones.

For those of us who love history, Halloween makes it fun to revisit local lore.  The best ghost stories combine the unexplained with local history to generate myths that add color to life here in Iowa.  I always think of the era when white settlers seized Iowa from Native Americans, then overran and settled it, as a much more dramatic time, a period where people relied more on luck and their own abilities to survive.  The people who built Iowa had to deal with the elements; with their own mental and physical malladies; and with each other without the benefits of modern technology or medicine to do it.  There are so many stories of Iowans building impressive monuments by hand, driving themselves to theatric suicides, or otherwise producing human accomplishments we wouldn’t consider today.

Part of what makes history so interesting is the fact that a lot of these things would just simply not happen today.  For instance, in Mt. Vernon, Iowa, where I went to college, deputized citizens and vigilantes shot and killed two people for peeping into a girls’ dorm.  That sort of thing would never happen today, but with a little imagination and evolution over time, it could turn into a terrifying ghost story.

Anyway, I’ve done some digging and turned up haunted places in Eastern Iowa that you can easily visit this Halloween season for yourself.

• The Black Angel of Oakland Cemetery 
  Iowa City
  -  Also see this piece from Associated Content
  

  Old Dubuque County Jail

• The Mason House Inn
  Bentonsport
• The Old Dubuque Jail
  Dubuque
• The Franklin Hotel
  Strawberry Point
• Brucemore Mansion
  Cedar Rapids

After visiting one or two of these places, you might be tempted to buy the Iowa Road Guide to Haunted Locations book.  Don’t bother unless you like typos, passive voice, and perplexingly vague historical descriptions.